Photo courtesy of Heron Preston (http://www.heronpreston.com/)
i love love love the box. (and no, that is not some deep seeded lesbianism finding its way to the surface).
my obession began when i saw it on an episode of gossip girl - you know the one, blair hops on stage for an impromptu strip tease, while chuck leers from a dark corner.
anyway, i’ve been there a few times since then and it’s always an experience. admittedly, some of the acts are little tough to stomach (like the vaj acoustics, for example), however any of the unsavory bits (no pun intended) are undoubtedly overshadowed by the highlights:
an electic crowd ranging from josh hartnett to 30-something frat boys in white suits and cowboy hats who have an unnatural obsession with partying and vodka shots straight from the grey goose bottle
ultra salty popcorn that makes for a great patron chaser
a plush interior that is sort of reminiscent of an old victorian parlor
some of the most awesomely disgusting slash amazing acts - umm, can i get a round of applause for the girl who pulls an entire outfit (with accessories!) from her afro and dresses herself while whirling around on a rotating pedestal?!
the uber expensive drinks, the sexually charged show and the decadent interior make it the ultimate hedonist experience
spotted: serena van der woodson and dan humphrey on the 4 express train in union square last night. …and yes, i am one of those crazy people that can’t separate actors from the characters they play.
my analysis (based on the 2 minutes I spent unabashedly gawking at them)
they’re both short, especially dan (i refuse to accept that i am just awkwardly tall)
dan is meek and serena runs the show
they were riding the subway at 11.30 pm, i thought they were supposed to be classy?
scientific fact: people don’t want to do any actual work in the summer. this causes them to spend a disproportionate part of their day uploading and tagging photos on facebook.
as a direct result of this, i spend my day monitoring my newsfeed and untagging as necessary.
apparently summer = mating season in the city, causing “the game” to come up in a disproportionate number of conversations. so today, when i saw rex had posted about this, i decided it was time to address the issue.
first, watch this:
right, i am by no means a pick-up artist, but i think i can share some wisdom from the dimitris i encounter on a regular basis.
1. don’t be overly available - neither in person or correspondence. we don’t want to be bombarded by calls and texts. “surprise visits” are out of the question.
example: i recently went out on a boat with a group of friends. the “captain” of the boat asked for my email so he could let me know when they’d be going out again. here’s a snippet from the 2k email i received hours later (note his availability):
I would love to take you out to dinner one day, my treat.
The evenings I can do it are on, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
There’s a rich vein of good restaurants on Greenwich Street in Tribeca. Here are a few restaurant choices and what Zagat’s and I have to say:
The Harrison 355 Greenwich St. (Harrison St.) A handsome, chic and classy American restaurant (yes they exist).
Tribeca Grill 375 Greenwich St. (Franklin St.) Stylish and cool American- -Robert De Niro’s TriBeCa restaurant.
Salaam Bombay 317 Greenwich St. (bet. Duane & Reade Sts.) The best Indian place in NYC.
Azafran 77 Warren St. (bet. Greenwich St. & W. B’way)- A Spanish tapas place- creative and diverse and hip.
Don’t be shy about choosing between them. I’d prefer to be a gentleman and let you pick a restaurant in your neighborhood so name one. If you don’t have any preference then how about meeting at Salaam Bombay Monday at 7:30 PM? If not, when?
omfg.
2. don’t insult us. this seems obvious, right? it’s not for some.
example: last weekend a guy called me lanky. he tried to wrap it in some jabber about being model-like… please. send that one to the FAIL Blog. insults embedded in compliments are still insults.
*also, do not reference or question our mental health.
3. don’t initiate conversation with, “i own this bar, would you like some drinks?”
this needs no elaboration.
4. if we’re clearly not into it, don’t try to pretend like YOU are rejecting US.
example: the illustration for this one is a follow up to the crazy email mentioned above. to summarize, i told the sender that he was creepy (there were lots of other factors involved in my concluding this) and this is the response:
You know, I can’t shake the feeling I got when I read your email. I’ve given it a few hours now. It’s not the way I expected things to turn after such a carefree day on the water together. I’m going to rescind my offer to meet. There are millions of other people for us to pursue friendships with in NYC; I think we’re both better off in different directions. Good luck with everything.
the event i attended last night was a mashup of hot male models and australiana.
highlights from the night: a 100 to 1 m:f ratio, open bar, fashion show (if you consider speedos fashion, that is) and a party-goer who at my request dropped trou in the midst of the party and modeled a pair of underwear from the gift bag…
talk about knowing your target market - the special wine and bread compartments of this bag are a slight step up from the brown paper trader joe’s bag i roll with.
oh, myspace! you may have gotten a face lift to make things taut and streamlined. but when you are ugly at the core, no amount of lifting and tucking will help (a la joan rivers).
i myself broke up with myspace on january 30th - however i am still required to enter this black hole of social networks for work.
so anyway, i found a site error that i attempted to report and here’s what happened:
okay, so far so good. i click submit.
i click to email customer service.
i get an error while trying to report an error. seriously…
so i backtrack and try again. this time i don’t get the error, i get this little nugget:
*barf. tom, get over yourself.
i fill in the details of the problem (which are related to a broken link) and click submit.
you can imagine my surprise when i received a response to my problem only one hour later…
Hello,
Adding color, graphics, and sound to your profile page is easy and requires only a basic knowledge of HTML (the programming language used to create web pages on the Internet). Simply go to “Edit Profile” and enter the desired HTML coding where appropriate. If you do not know HTML, you can reach out and make a new friend by asking someone who has color, graphics, and/or sound on their Profile page how they did it. You can also click on the graphics link from a friends’ profile to select from hundreds of background HTML. People on MySpace are friendly and always willing to help, so just ask! This is a great way to meet new people!
“There’s a new class of celebrity powered by the Internet. The stakes are smaller, but the rewards are within anyone’s reach. These are the rules.”
shiver.
it makes sense really. in the wake of the emily goulds and the julia allisons (both of which are referenced in the article), there is no denying that just about anyone with a blog and enough ambition can make themselves famous - well at least internet famous.
miss naomi hirabayashi, my cube podmate and office trailmix monger, has posted an OFFICIAL office contest on her blog.
oh yes, and the stakes are high - not only are mets tickets on the line, but also the adoration of a certain office stud who is not only king of the blogosphere, but was also voted villanova’s best dressed and city sun tanning’s member of the month….*sigh
