I’m Just Sayin’

apparently summer = mating season in the city, causing “the game” to come up in a disproportionate number of conversations. so today, when i saw rex had posted about this, i decided it was time to address the issue.

first, watch this:

right, i am by no means a pick-up artist, but i think i can share some wisdom from the dimitris i encounter on a regular basis.

1. don’t be overly available - neither in person or correspondence. we don’t want to be bombarded by calls and texts. “surprise visits” are out of the question.

example: i recently went out on a boat with a group of friends. the “captain” of the boat asked for my email so he could let me know when they’d be going out again. here’s a snippet from the 2k email i received hours later (note his availability):

I would love to take you out to dinner one day, my treat.

The evenings I can do it are on, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

There’s a rich vein of good restaurants on Greenwich Street in Tribeca. Here are a few restaurant choices and what Zagat’s and I have to say:

The Harrison 355 Greenwich St. (Harrison St.) A handsome, chic and classy American restaurant (yes they exist).

Tribeca Grill 375 Greenwich St. (Franklin St.) Stylish and cool American- -Robert De Niro’s TriBeCa restaurant.

Salaam Bombay 317 Greenwich St. (bet. Duane & Reade Sts.) The best Indian place in NYC.

Azafran 77 Warren St. (bet. Greenwich St. & W. B’way)- A Spanish tapas place- creative and diverse and hip.

Don’t be shy about choosing between them. I’d prefer to be a gentleman and let you pick a restaurant in your neighborhood so name one. If you don’t have any preference then how about meeting at Salaam Bombay Monday at 7:30 PM? If not, when?

omfg.

2. don’t insult us. this seems obvious, right? it’s not for some.

example: last weekend a guy called me lanky. he tried to wrap it in some jabber about being model-like… please. send that one to the FAIL Blog. insults embedded in compliments are still insults.

*also, do not reference or question our mental health.

3. don’t initiate conversation with, “i own this bar, would you like some drinks?”

this needs no elaboration.

4. if we’re clearly not into it, don’t try to pretend like YOU are rejecting US.

example: the illustration for this one is a follow up to the crazy email mentioned above. to summarize, i told the sender that he was creepy (there were lots of other factors involved in my concluding this) and this is the response:

You know, I can’t shake the feeling I got when I read your email. I’ve given it a few hours now. It’s not the way I expected things to turn after such a carefree day on the water together. I’m going to rescind my offer to meet. There are millions of other people for us to pursue friendships with in NYC; I think we’re both better off in different directions. Good luck with everything.

wait, wtf just happened?