Entries categorized as ‘Uncategorized’
November 20, 2008 · 1 Comment
Caffeine junkies are funny. I mean, think about the many faces of this addiction:
Diet Coke - Probably the most generic of the group; you’ll often see them down a six-pack in one day. Apparently they have a cult - maybe I should take back generic…
Coffee - Jittery; they may not acknowledge your existence until their second cup of the day.
Sugarfree Red Bull - Skinny; girls (and increasingly guys) that skip meals and depend on SF RB to avoid collapsing in the street (which is totally awkward btw). Weren’t you wondering how LC got so skinny?
Regular Red Bull - Aging frat boys; hang out in douchey bars and drink it with Grey Goose.
Monster - Poor; they aspire to be R RB drinkers.
Surge/Mountain Dew/Mello Yello/any other soda containing Yellow 5 - Aggravated; often seen chugging and talking about extreme sports. ***btw, what ever happened to the 90’s Yellow 5 myth? Any experience I’ve had with said group only confirms the rumor***
Bawls - I don’t know anyone that drinks this, but I’m told they play a lot of video games.
So, this of course brings us to my caffeine beverage of choice (which of course I will also rudely stereotype)
Cocaine - Wannabe badass; they enjoy likening ’swigs’ to ‘bumps’ and love that the drink comes in three flavors - ‘regular’, ‘cut’ and ‘free’. Potentially dangerously over-caffeinated.
Yep, that’s about right.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tagged: caffeine junkies, cocaine, red bull, surge, yellow 5
Arghhhh! I just went to login to Twitter, and was greeted with this little nugget above. First off, where is the Fail Whale? Perhaps he ran off with the Technorati Monster? The bigger question of course is why sites think that using cute, whimsical characters will lessen the blow when visitors find their site down.
It’s got me thinking, however… While it doesn’t make me any less angry, maybe others feel differently… after all, who can blame a silly little whale? So, here’s me testing out the theory:
Dear John
It has been great spending the past 5 years of my life with you. I was beyond thrilled when you proposed in front of everyone at the Yankees game yesterday. However, as much as I care for you, I’ve been sleeping with your best friend Dan. I’m pregnant. And it’s not yours.
But anyway, how adorable are these puppies? Omg, what a little pack of precious furballs wrapped up in cuteness! Gifts from heaven, that is what they are!
Best,
Kristen
Categories: Uncategorized
Tagged: fail whale, technorati monster, cute overload, puppies make everything ok
done
For those of you who are asking wtf is a Tilt Table Test, here’s a pretty accurate account of the whole ordeal - courtesy of House.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tagged: house, obscure illnesses, tilt table test
November 17, 2008 · 1 Comment
I know I have been MIA lately, but I have a good excuse, really I do! Here’s a quick run-down.
- Faint in the street in Soho, awkward crowd assembles around me. I overhear “OMG, she’s breathing!” and a scruffy looking man asks if I have had too much to drink.
- Ambulance arrives, EMT wants to know why my pupils are so big. Realizes when I faint again that I’m not just having a bad trip.
- Downtown New York Hospital, lots of tests, lots of prodding, rude doctors. I check myself out against their advice, pick up some hummus and go home to watch Entourage.
——————————–
The Tilt Table Test is nowhere near as fun as this kid makes it look.
- Follow up with GP called Dr. Champagne. He apologizes for his casual attire, he likes to dress down on Saturdays. Refers me to see a cardiologist.
- More tests. I am the youngest person in the office by 30 years. I overhear the doctor referring to me as “the young girl.”
- Cardiologist is perplexed, orders a Tilt Table Test. I get strapped in. Blood pressure drops but I don’t faint. They put nitroglycerin under my tongue. I faint and dream like I’m tripping.
- I have Vasovagal Syncope, i.e. faint when I am upset, see blood, get strapped to a table and suspended at a 70 degree angle. EKG is slightly abnormal too, need to test for Brugada Syndrome.
- Google Brugada Syndrome, it is also called Sudden Expected Death Syndrome. I freak out, start a bucket list.
——————————–
- Beth Israel Cardiac Intervention Dept, this time I am the youngest by 40 years. Get prepped and draw blood, I faint again. The man on the other side of the curtain pees all over, including on the doctor in black ninja scrubs.
- Doctor says he is giving me a drug that will cause my heart to go into a erratic rhythm if I have Brugada. He makes me sign a waiver and starts the drip. I wait. Nothing happens. He says I’m fine and gives me some orange juice. I eat french fries for lunch and go back to work.
But hey, so no hard feelings about my absence?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tagged: brugada syndrome, sudden unexpected death syndrome, syncope, tilt table
I fell a little bit in love with Lykke Li at last night’s V Magazine event at the Tribeca Grand Hotel. Hot Swede? Check. Awesome voice? Check. Working it on stage in an oversized men’s shirt? Check. Yeah, I’m girl crushing.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tagged: lykke li, tribeca grand hotel, v magazine, girl crushing
While I’m coming clean about the lack of attention I’ve been paying you, I also need to let you know that I cheated on you.
Categories: Uncategorized
A little grammar fail to close out your Friday… this little nugget was a targeted Facebook ad that came up on my profile the other day: 
So they’re seeking a real smart AE, huh? I wonder if they got fed up with getting applications from all those fake smart AE’s? Send this one to the Fail Blog please!
Categories: Uncategorized
I’d like to interrupt my conscious ignoring and blatant disregard for this blog to bring you a message from our sponsors:
How awesome is this? This widget was conceptualized and built by the Bluefly crew, Social Shore and yours truly. Loves it.
Categories: Uncategorized
Refers to the numerous personal crises brought on by entering adulthood and being expected to become a responsible, productive member of society. Characterized by first gray hairs/wrinkles, excessive drinking, hanging out with people who are younger in order to feel younger again only to end up looking creepy, extreme fear of all of these things. -Urban Dictionary
I’m 24 today and I’ve never had more desire than ever to regress a few years. Anyone down for some Tenacious D and Key Light beer pong?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tagged: beer pong, beerpong, birthday, old, QLC, quarter life crisis, spinster
